Heck, I’ll use dirty laundry if it’s there. Whatever is within reach, really,” he shared. As he spoke, my younger son nodded his head emphatically. Hey, who was I to judge? As a teen, I’d had an amorous moment or two with my favorite bottle of perfume, Love’s Baby Soft, which, if anyone remembers, was totally shaped like a dildo. “OK, don’t laugh, but one time I put my penis in the vacuum hose,” my youngest said. I’d lost my deadpan expression the moment I picture my son losing his penis in a vacuuming accident. “Yeah, but it was on low, don’t worry,” he reassured me. “It didn’t feel that good, so I only did it once.”
“Oh, what about paper towel rolls?” my oldest added. “And that time I used the cantaloupe?”Įven my husband was shocked at the cantaloupe revelation. Really? I thought that was only a thing women in prison did. More: I have to be honest: Other parents scare me more than pedophilesīy the end of our conversation, I had the idea that my sons, and probably all teenage boys, used anything and everything at their disposal to masturbate.
With my curiosity quelled, I had to wonder if my quest for knowledge was a worthy endeavor.
Honestly, I’ll probably never look at a cantaloupe the same way again, but I am grateful I had this awkward, yet illuminating, discussion with my kids. They felt confident enough to be real, knowing full well I would write this information and share it with the world.
